Introduction
By meeting people where they are at and treating them
like human beings, and not trying to change them, actually opens up the possibility of transformation for them.
—GABOR MATE, THE WISDOM OF TRAUMA
Each of us has been deeply affected by addiction in our lives. It
is rare that this is not the case. Many have experienced the
heartrending descent of a loved one into the jaws of addiction; have
watched as the loved one has lost jobs, relationships, health, and
self-esteem; have observed as, time after time, the loved one has
risen and sworn off his addiction only to slip back into the sea of
sorrow. Nothing could be more heart-wrenching as we watch him
die in slow motion, breath by breath.
Many have tirelessly tried to convince their loved one that he
has a problem and is destroying his life, only to be told angrily,
“I don’t have a problem. What are you talking about? Leave me
alone!” while the knife of addiction hangs from his heart and he,
oblivious to his impending destruction. Shocked by his denial and
powerless to change or save him, we are pierced by his blindness,
resignation, willfulness, and hopelessness.
In like manner, those in Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics
Anonymous have witnessed the many dear individuals who have
gotten sober, begun to get healthy, begun to resurrect their shining
souls, and then, five years clean and sober—ten, fifteen, twenty
years—suddenly disappear like wind and are back into the hell of
addiction. We later hear of a suicide or a heart attack or, all too often,
nothing at all. Saddened, we face a grim fact: a great many who
enter the road of recovery do not succeed. In time, one appreciates
the AA and NA acknowledgment that addiction is a cunning and
baffling disease of the soul. It can take the best of the best. It is a
blinding force that, like a riptide, steals the ground from beneath
a dear loved one in a heartbeat.
All of us in the addiction field, whether therapists, counselors,
or those in recovery, make tremendous efforts to give men and
women the eyes to see their addiction, to observe it and feel it
before it strikes, to deepen their awareness so that when the more
subtle and powerful aspects of their addiction arise, they can sense,
smell, feel, taste, hear, and see it. We give people relapse-trigger lists
to memorize, addiction education on the signs and symptoms of
addiction and progression of the disease, and twelve-step programs
to participate in, and still people relapse routinely.
What is the cause of this phenomenon? What inner wall of
resistance has not been named and articulated that sends him flying
back into the arms of his addictions to alcohol, drugs, food, sex,
gambling, shopping, or other behaviors? The answers are unique and
individual. In my case, serendipity intruded to help me gain sobriety.
In 1996, with my heart breaking from the devastating feeling that
I would never find myself or my purpose for existence, that there
was something essential to my life that I was not grasping, I listened
desperately as my therapist, Stephen, a sly, elfin grin on his face, said
to me, “Why don’t you read the book Personality Types by Don Riso?
It’s about the nine Enneagram types. Take a look at Type Four.”
Curious, and more than willing to do anything that would
end the enduring suffering my fourteen years in recovery had not
alleviated, I read about the Type Four. I was horrified at what I
found. I discovered that the very characteristics I prided myself
on were the exact ones that were causing relentless and repetitious
suffering. Regardless of working a program of recovery, in spite of
meditating and asking for help, I could not shake them. AA and
NA were not designed to touch these features but had provided
me a needed foundation of sobriety to confront them.
I learned that the unconscious features of my Type Four
personality type—the psychic structure that I had inherited and been
hardwired with at birth—were still running the show, unbeknownst
to me. I was unable to access my true authenticity, where real love,
self-worth, meaning, intimacy with others, and clarity about my
purpose on earth resided. As I studied the Type Four, a previously
unseen door to the treasures of my soul, along with the devils I could
not see, was flung open. I was shocked at what had been hidden and
shrouded in my type’s delusion. (I am a unique and misunderstood
outsider, more sensitive, emotionally deep, and creative than others,
yet not properly seen or understood.) I would soon discover that
each type was stuck in a type-specific delusion that causes the type’s
deeper suffering and eventual relapse.
As a result of the Enneagram and the inner eyes it gave me,
this precious journey deepens and expands daily, weekly, yearly, my
heart grateful for the real freedom I have been invited to. Instead of
relapsing like so many of my compatriots—or rusting and hardening
in my recovery positions about life—I began moving into a deeper
alignment with my heart’s desire and a deeper capacity to perceive
and own, without self-hatred, those areas of my consciousness that
still functioned automatically, painfully, and swiftly.
As Riso-Hudson write, “Effective growth approaches must take
into account the fact that there are different kinds of people—different
personality types. This diversity explains why what is good advice for
one person can be disastrous for another. Telling some types that they
need to focus more on feelings is like throwing water on a drowning
man. Telling other types that they need to assert themselves more is
as foolish as putting an anorexic person on a diet.”1
In my addiction work with recovering folks utilizing the
Enneagram, it has become clear to me that the Enneagram is not
only pivotal for the maturation and development of an individual’s
recovery and capacity to mature but is also necessary for enabling
individuals to navigate the incredibly difficult growth transitions
necessary to fully actualize oneself and live fully.
The Enneagram identifies the nine types of personality and how each type habitually
forgets what is important to their growth and transformation in
addiction recovery. Unless an individual begins to understand the
type-specific way he falls asleep (a process that gets more subtle
and more powerful the longer one is clean and sober) and how
he forgets what is imminently important to his transformation,
sooner or later, relapse will occur. Unwittingly he will pick up the
substance behavior of his choice or rust in the grips of a dry drunk,
chewing on resentment, meaninglessness, or soul emptiness after
years of recovery, seemingly struck blind at a new door of recovery,
be it year five, ten, fifteen, twenty, or thirty.
The Enneagram teaches that each personality type is endowed
with specific core psychological and emotional weaknesses as well
as strengths that can be matured and celebrated. That is, each type
inhabits a different psychological and emotional world with type specific challenges that he will predictably encounter at deeper levels
throughout recovery.
We see this all the time: a man who is five, ten, fifteen years sober
and still unable to be present to this precious moment, who is caught
in the machinations of a distracting mind and inhibiting emotional
personality habits. Robotically rattling off recovery slogans, judging
self and others with recovery opinions, he is unable to reside in his
spacious heart. Unable to savor kindness, compassion, or joy in the
here and now, he is the antithesis of being happy, joyous, and free.
Every addicted individual has a type-specific blind spot, a
psychological prison consisting of a core fear that drives his suffering,
a deep wish to return to what is authentic and true within himself,
and a fundamental commandment of who he must be to be loved. He
has an emotional habit (called a passion, his type-specific emotional
reaction to the heartbreaking loss of connection with his true self)
and a mental habit (a fixation, his type-specific mental habit that
obscures his ability to perceive objective reality), which create the
psychological world he lives in. He also has an inner critic who
reminds him what he must do to be lovable. These type-specific
psychic structures, developed initially to protect an individual from
the suffering and confusion of childhood, now inhibit his ability to
comprehend reality, transform his addiction, and engage reality in a
way that supports his positive growth and unfoldment.
Put simply, each type has different psychological, physical, and emotional needs with different psychological, physical, and
emotional blind spots and uniquely different paths of recovery.
What is similar to all of them is the individual’s need to become
present to these type-specific habits, which are developed at a very
early age and block his ability to experience and inhabit himself
and reside in the here and now—the only place joy, happiness, and
peace can be experienced.
We see this all the time: a man who is five, ten, fifteen years sober
and still unable to be present to this precious moment, who is caught
in the machinations of a distracting mind and inhibiting emotional
personality habits. Robotically rattling off recovery slogans, judging
self and others with recovery opinions, he is unable to reside in his
spacious heart. Unable to savor kindness, compassion, or joy in the
here and now, he is the antithesis of being happy, joyous, and free.
Every addicted individual has a type-specific blind spot, a
psychological prison consisting of a core fear that drives his suffering,
a deep wish to return to what is authentic and true within himself,
and a fundamental commandment of who he must be to be loved. He
has an emotional habit (called a passion, his type-specific emotional
reaction to the heartbreaking loss of connection with his true self)
and a mental habit (a fixation, his type-specific mental habit that
obscures his ability to perceive objective reality), which create the
psychological world he lives in. He also has an inner critic who
reminds him what he must do to be lovable. These type-specific
psychic structures, developed initially to protect an individual from
the suffering and confusion of childhood, now inhibit his ability to
comprehend reality, transform his addiction, and engage reality in a
way that supports his positive growth and unfoldment.
In addition, each individual has a type-specific self-image, an
idealized self-concept—who he believes he is whether his actions
reflect this or not—that, when under the sway of his addiction or at
various stages of his recovery, hypnotizes him. He imagines himself
as being his ideal self, but his actions are the antithesis of this. He
cannot objectively see how he shows up in the world nor accurately
understand what he honestly experiences. It is the combination of
these unconscious, often hard-to-see personality habits that keep
him trapped at an impenetrable door of emotional and psychological
stuckness, which, in turn, set him up for tragic relapse.
Until we address these type-specific differences, our treatment
approaches and heartfelt attempts to help the addicted individual
will enable only a small fraction of people to get clean and sober and
thrive in their recovery. We will continue to have our hearts broken
after we have given our very best to our beloved clients and the friends
we so wish to serve. The Enneagram is an amazing tool that delivers
the individual treatment and recovery plan that we have been seeking.
In recovery circles, we say that addiction is a three-fold disease:
physical, mental, and emotional. To the extent that the individual
heals these three factors within himself is the extent to which his
spiritual life thrives and he feels a sense of unity, capability, and
confidence. The Enneagram precisely addresses these three factors
in each of the nine types, with the explicit goal of bringing unity,
awareness, and happiness to the individual.
It is my hope and belief that the number of individuals who
relapse while struggling with the cunning dynamics of addiction
will decrease significantly as a result of the therapist or sponsor who
skillfully uses the Enneagram. Those who do find the solid ground
of recovery will have a tool at their disposal that allows them to
continue to further expand and access the joy, courage, strength,
peace, clarity, vision, creativity, and the love their souls yearn for.
This is the ultimate goal of addiction recovery: the realization and
celebration of the precious gifts spirit has endowed us with.
